Thursday, September 6, 2012

The Adventures of Lucky and Lil' Bob

I have 2 cats, Lucky and Little Bob.  Yep, That's right! I'm a cat person! 
Little Bob


I also have one dog, Trinity. The Husband named her, not for religious reasons but after the chick in the Matrix. Oh and one fish that refuses to die! I'm pretty sure in fish years that fish is at least 105 fish years old.  Lucky is a Japanese Bob Tail and is very sweet but only to me, his breed is known for their many many many Meows.  They are known to be extremely vocal and are said to bring Luck to their owners. Only one of those facts is true.  He is very skittish but loves to go outside and he likes to be picked up and held but only at his convenience. He also seems in Cahoots with the dog in a plot to kill us.  He is usually seen on our bedpost glaring down on us, planning our demise.  Little Bob is a Manx, he is named after my late cat Bob that I had for many years that was also a Manx.  Bob was the best cat ever, everyone loved him.  Little Bob is more laid back, quiet and a little needy. He does not like to be picked up and he will go outside but for only 27 seconds. He must always be in the bathroom with me, for pee pee, poo poo or a shower. 

In Cahoots!

 Yes, I am a cat person but Alas The Husband is not.  He hates all living things! He thinks the cats are gay,  ( not that there's anything wrong with that)  every time they are grooming themselves he can be heard throughout the house yelling "SEE! The cats are Gay!"  They are both males and they are both fixed and The Husband obviously knows nothing of cat behavior.  Needless to say, his hatred of all things cute and furry (except vagina's) fuels many arguments between the two of us.  Their litter pan is in our garage and they have a cat door to get out there, so we don't have it in the house and don't have to deal with the mess or the odor.  He still finds this an issue.  He grumps around the house "We're getting rid of that Litter, I don't want it in MY garage!"  OK, I say, Where shall the cats do their business then?  Should we get tiny leashes and drag them by the neck out to the front yard 5 times a day, scraping them down the concrete as they do a Tasmanian devil trying to get loose?  Or we could put the litter in our living area, how about under the TV or in the kitchen so it won't be in YOUR garage. 

Original Bob

Last year "someone" started pissing on the carpet in our front room during the night when we slept.  The Husband immediately concluded "It's Lucky!"  The Husband started spanking him. Really? Jesus!  It happened again and again. I was baffled we had already had the cats for a year and they NEVER peed in the house.  Why now?  Something must be wrong! I read up on whatever I could find online about pissing cats, I changed their food, I tried several different kinds of litter.  I then took Lucky to the Vet (the skittish loud mouth). He was not happy, he freaked out and kept peeing on himself.  The vet needed to do a test that required testing the urine in his bladder but every time they got near him, he peed, emptying his bladder.  I had to leave him over night.  They still couldn't get the pee! So, the next day I went to pick him up, the girl at the front had to have me come to the back and get him because he was freaking out if anyone got close.  They gave me antibiotics for both cats just in case.  Meanwhile back at home, while Lucky was in Vet prison overnight "someone" peed on the carpet!  AHA! said The Husband,  "It's Little Bob, I knew it!"   So, now he started spanking Little Bob! Seriously? So, It kept happening! I'm giving the two cats their "meds" every night, again changing the litter brand, etc... Nothing is working! What the Fuck?  Also, this whole time we are buying carpet cleaning products, renting steamers, calling in the Pro's for carpet cleaning. By this time, The Husband is furious! "We are getting rid of those Cats!"  I'm like Yeah Yeah, Have this cocktail I made for you (with a roofie)! Just kidding, I don't roofie The Husband (often). So, one night The Husband puts the dog in her kennel for the night, she usually sleeps out in the house and under our bed.  So that night, no pee on the carpet.  Coincidence?  We conduct an experiment we put her up every night for several days. Every night the dog stayed in her kennel there was no Pee!  IT WAS THE FUCKING DOG! The whole time, it was the dog!  The Husband is like "Oh OK, it was the dog."  That's it? No crazy reaction like "We Must KILL the dog at once!"  I got nothing........He likes the Dog!  

1 comment:

  1. OMFG!!! I'm dying! So, no spanking the dog? That's just wrong man. I say roofie the husband and spank him!