Saturday, August 25, 2012

Legit or Criminally Insane?

A few days ago while driving to work I noticed a homeless man walking very quickly and muttering to himself. What struck me as I drove passed, other than look at this crazy mother fucker, was the fact that he was dressed head to toe in fatigues.  So, I started thinking whenever I see someone in fatigues or camouflage I immediately think - Criminally Insane!  Unfortunately in this country we have many homeless vets and that is very sad. Many times you see the homeless in camouflage and you usually assume - homeless vet, which may or may not be the case.  If you think about it, Camouflage is so popular now, everyone wears it...the military, the homeless, hunters,  rednecks, rappers, babies, dogs, etc...

Also The Crazies dress in fatigues, how are we to differentiate between the crazy dogs and the sane ones?  All I know is if you are in the military or ever were and you wear fatigues, you're Legit! If you were never in the military and you wear full head to toe fatigues I'm going to assume you are criminally insane and run! 

Which leads me to the realization that there are several things I find either completely legit or full on bat shit crazy.  

For example: Hoarders Vs. Collectors

If you collect fine china, stamps or tea pots you most likely are a collector and even though you really have way too many teapots all over your home. I'm sure you're still somewhat sane. However, if you collect newspapers, magazines, feces and dead cats. I'm going to go ahead and say INsane.  Seriously?  What is with these Hoarders, there is shit everywhere and I mean literally.  There is no where to walk or shit or sleep, there is wall to wall trash, papers, furniture which is always broken or covered up with mounds of newspapers and random household items. 
Are they aware that you can pretty much get any newspaper or magazine on the Internet?  You don't have to save every paper from everyday for 37 years.

Next: People who have witnessed a UFO Vs. People who have been abducted.

OK, I'm not saying I believe or don't believe in Aliens or UFOs. Do I think it's possible? Yes! Anythings possible, right?  Millions of people have reported seeing a UFO which is just simply an Unidentified Flying Object.  We don't know what it is...It's Unidentified! Could be anything.  This is all of course legit but the people who claim they have been abducted or taken aboard a space ship and then brought back here, yeah I dunno about that. Is it possible? Hell yeah! But why is the guy who is reporting this always from West Virginia (no offense WV) missing teeth, wearing a nascar cap and overalls (probably camouflage) and saying things like " First, We seent this bright light, then Ma screamed and the youngun's started a cryin' and all of a sudden I woke up in a field 2 days later and my anus was sore!"  " I knowed it was them Aliens!"
So, of course these people are criminally insane!

In addition: Church going Folk VS. Extreme Religious Fanatics

The families that go to church on Sunday or the occasional Sunday, totally legit, no problem. However, the people who show up on your door step early Saturday morning (Bible Beaters or Bible Thumpers) trying to convert you or the Churches that have the snake handlers. I mean, that is so EEEWWWW! That 700 Club Dude? Come on!

Now, the *Pièce de résistance - The Religious Cults - David Koresh ( Waco Compound)  - he slept with all the women and when I say women I mean 12 and 13 year old girls and had many many children, then burned down the whole compound with everyone in it.  Marshall AppleWhite (Heavens Gate) the guy in California who believed in some kind of UFO Religion and convinced all his followers to commit suicide to reach an alien space craft. Jim Jones the guy who had that huge cult following in Jonestown in the 70's and made all his followers drink poison Kool- Aid. These guys were all criminally insane and how they got so many people to buy into their convictions and follow them, I will never know.


I have gotten WAY off track now.  The point is there is a thin line between the legit and criminally insane, be on your toes people!

* Pièce de résistance (French pronunciation: [pjɛs də ʁezistɑ̃s]) is a French term (circa 1839), translated into English literally as "piece of (or for) resistance," referring to the best part or feature of something (as in a meal), a showpiece, or highlight

Monday, August 20, 2012

Liar Liar Pants on Fire!

A small glimpse into my personality. If you know me at all, you know I can't stand liars or to be lied to.  This is one of my biggest pet peeves. I just feel that the person lying to you is treating you as if you are stupid or with disrespect.  Now, I know everyone lies for the most part.  I guess there are degrees of lies or lying. For Example, Person A: "Hey, Do you like my new shirt?" Person B: "Yes, It's beautiful on you". When really Person B is thinking "Hell No, That's hideous". This I can somewhat understand. You don't want to hurt the persons feelings.  I, myself would probably tell you that I don't like your new shirt.  I have always been an honest person, and although I do not enjoy hurting peoples feelings, I am usually brutally honest.  I will always tell you how I feel and my honest opinion even if it's not what you want to hear.  Now that being said I'm not overly opinionated or judgemental. Well, I try not to be. I also appreciate this kind of honesty, even if I don't like what you tell me, I can appreciate it. Although, I find this kind of honesty to be rare, mostly because people want to be liked and don't want to piss people off or upset them. So, I can understand some little white lies. What I absolutely do not understand is people who just lie to lie or lie and manipulate other people. All people are hurt when they find out they have been lied to or deceived, even if it's just a little white lie, you are still like "WTF, you said you liked my shirt, I can't believe you lied".  

Everyone hates to be lied to but everyone lies.  Why is that? It's fascinating to me. I have actually become a pretty good judge of character and many times I can tell when someone is lying, not all the time but more than not.  I have read a few books and watched shows on body language and lies. I am by no means an expert or even great at it but it's very interesting. It's like we are trying to put one over on someone but our bodies are ratting us out. 

  Most of my close friends and family are aware of my aversion to liars and lies. Take my husband for example, he is actually a pretty honest person NOW. As for when we were dating, not so much.  I like to think I had a small hand in him now being honest and forthcoming.  Still today I know if I say " how much money did you take out from the ATM?" and he says $20, it's most likely $40. That is a running joke now and I'm pretty sure he tells me the wrong amount on purpose to drive me insane. Also, I have a few friends that when invited out somewhere, they can not or will not tell you they are not going when they know damn well they aren't going.  It's always like I might have to work or I can't get a sitter or I think I have my period that weekend.  Look, I don't care that you don't want to go just tell me so I can get an accurate head count for the reservation. Jesus People! Is telling the truth really that hard? 

Friday, August 17, 2012

The Smurfs have disbanded.....

Ah Yes, I know what you're thinking but I'm not talking about the REAL Smurfs.  Just a small group of my high school friends who once had a kegger and by sunrise had a whole new smurf language and all had smurfs names. Let me see, there was: Nasty Smurf, Thrasher Smurf, Chillin' Smurf, Ruthless Rutabaga Smurf, maybe a Crazy Smurf and a Drunken Smurf and a few others. Anyway, this all came about when a group of us were still drunk and talking as the sun came up after a "*pasture party".  (Yes, I grew up in a Water Tower Town) So, I think I said something along the the lines of  "Why do the Smurfs always say like that's so smurfy or that's not very smurf?" So, this starts a huge discussion on Smurf lingo and Smurf names.  We used phrases like "Oh Smurf!" or "Smurfin' and Chillin" or "Oh My Smurf!" or "I'm so freakin' Smurfed!". So, this went on for years and still to this day, we all remember our smurf names and reminisce about our drunken night and the birth of our smurfy alter egos.  Now WHY am I sharing this and chose this to be my first blog?  I have no idea,  but a conversation I had today reminded me of this story.  The conversation was that the Smurfs were named after their personalities or what they were good at and I thought it would be cool if we did that in life, so like when you were introduced to someone new, you would know right away what kinda person they are.  So instead of  Handy Smurf, it could be Handy Human and so on....Also I find it suspicious that all the smurfs had pretty positive smurf names.  I mean, where was Douche Bag Smurf, Slutty Smurf, Clepto Smurf, etc... Papa Smurf must have banished them to back of the village. 
* Pasture Party - In rural parts of the country, a party in a pasture where underage kids go to drink alcohol - usually high school kids or adult rednecks.